A Finger of Intent

Last night with his fingers buried in my cunt he pressed a finger against my arse hole, he didn’t push inside but maintained enough pressure to imply he would at any moment and it was hot, really fucking hot. I know it probably doesn’t sound like much, it doesn’t seem like much of a revelation but for me it was.
For a long time I was anti anal, not that I thought there was anything wrong with it, just it wasn’t for me. Then one day on holiday many moons ago we tried it almost by accident. Not like the surprise anal we’ve heard a lot about recently, it was a genuine slip that found his cock pressed against my arse and he immediately pulled away for me but dizzy in holiday spirit, I encourage him to try it. He seemed to enjoy it but for me it was unspectacular and when it was done I had no urge to do it again.
Our sex life continued as normal, it didn’t feel like it was lacking anything by my arse being off the table, there were plenty of other things we both enjoyed a lot but then a while a go anal returned to my peripheral. It started as one of those fantasies you intend to keep as just a fantasy, the idea of having all my holes filled is hot and when I told him about it he matched my enthusiasm for the idea but knowing in reality my arse was off limits we satisfied ourselves with my cunt and my mouth being filled and almost forgot there was anywhere else to fill but as is often the case with things you try and ignore it began to creep in again. I began to crave more and after years of making my arse a no go area I felt a sense of embarrassment that my body was now craving something I had been against for so long.
In an attempt to hush this new uncomfortable need I tried a butt plug, my first attempt had little effect and certainly no positive ones, I thought maybe it was because I had tried it on my own, no added stimulus of his cock, no true feeling or fullness so pledged to try it again. The second time was worse, it started out much better than my first try but then my body seemed to decide to play against me, the plug felt alien and I felt drained. The disappointment was huge, my mind had yearned for a sensation my body seemed determined to reject.
In that moment it would have been the simplest thing to put my arse back in the no box and lock the lid but I knew it wouldn’t work forever. That same need would still be there and would creep forward from the corners of my mind no matter how much I tried to ignore it and so I won’t. I’m not ready to rush back to those feeling of my body rejecting my desire but I can’t pretend it isn’t there either.
For now his finger pressed against my hole is enough, a symbol of his intention to one day take all of me and I know one day he will, without any resistance from my stupid messed up body and it will be sexy as hell.

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