I was raised by a strong independent woman and it was automatic to follow that path, to not need anyone else. That didn’t mean I was alone but that people were in my life because I wanted them there not because I was reliant upon them. I always knew that if I was on my own I’d survive, I’d be okay and that’s not a bad thing but the trouble is what happens if I don’t want to be strong all the time? What happens if I don’t want all the responsibility in my shoulders?
Nothing. Nothing happens.
You see, when you’ve been like this for so long no one can imagine you being any other way. Even when you try and show you need someone else to take the weight they just think she’ll be okay; she’s strong, she’ll get through it. And because you aren’t used to letting your walls down you don’t really know how and the thought of doing so is terrifying.
I want to be soft, weak, let my vulnerable side free but it’s like introducing everyone to a stranger. What if the people around me don’t like that girl, she’s so different to the one they have always known. What if they reject her? The strong girl can handle that but will the girl behind the rampart be able to cope if no one wants her?