For the first time in a long time I posted a picture today.
Taking this picture my initial thought was that I miss being the little spoon but then I realised I still am the little spoon, I’m just missing the big spoon.
Its all these little things that you become aware of in the weeks after the initial shock of your life being turned upside down. There are so many things I miss but for the first time in the recent months I am feeling this more acutely.
I miss the closeness of another person, having someone to wrap their arms around me and make me feel that I matter, that I am important. I miss tenderness, a gentle stroke across my skin, a softly placed kiss on my forehead.
I miss feeling loved.
It’s hard to imagine never feeling those things again but it is equally hard to imagine someone loving me in that way again.
For now I have to learn to accept I am a little spoon alone.