Over the past couple of days I have had two conversations with two different people that have got my back up. Neither person intended to annoy me, they weren’t directly rude to me and I don’t think either had any idea they had done anything wrong. What they did do wrong was make presumptions.
The first guy is someone I know in the real world, we aren’t close but every so often he texts me and we have a brief catch up but inevitably he will always try to steer the conversation towards sex. Now any of you that know me will know I am happy to talk about sex all day long. There are so many different areas of sex, the dynamics of the relationships and it is always good to learn new things. However that isn’t the kind of conversation he wants to have, he wants something to help him get off. Because he knows that I am a very open person and find it easy to talk about sex, he seems to believe that this means I want to talk dirty with him and help him work his way to an orgasm, I don’t. I am not sexually attracted to him, I don’t find anything he says to me a turn on and that fact that he makes these presumptions about me is an even bigger turn off.
The second guy is originally from twitter but who has recently started to contact me through Kik. The conversations tend to be the general. Hi how are you? Hows your day been? etc. But each time I can tell he wants more and today after I told him I was at work it gave him the opportunity he had been looking for. He asked if I had to wear a uniform to work and when I replied no, he wanted to know what I was wearing. I was completely honest as I always try to be and said I was wearing jeans, a grey jumper and a red scarf. But of course that wasn’t enough, he wanted to know what was underneath. Trying to keep the conversation on a humorous level but also trying to make him a bit aware of what he was doing I asked if he wanted to know the truth or if he wanted to know what would fit with his imagination. I thought this might be the reality check he needed but no, his response was he wanted the truth but if he wasn’t keen on that I could then tell him something to fit with his imagination! At that point I felt so angry that I ended the conversation so as not to say anything offensive.
So why does this happen? Where does this presumption come from? How is the connection made between me being happy to talk openly about sex to me wanting to help them get off?! Do they automatically presume that because I am open about sex that I am continuously in a state of arousal that they can tap into and use. I wonder if they ever think about trying to say anything that might make the conversation stimulating for me or are they under some illusion that just the fact they ask these things of me turns me on? It doesn’t.
I don’t want to berate either of these men, like I have said I don’t think they ever intended to insult me. It does however make me question how I talk to people though. How do I continue to have open and honest conversations without people I talk to presuming that I will automatically want to talk dirty to them?